Media outlets have sounded the alarm: men today aren’t doing well. From failing to hold on to a job to being unable to create a relationship with women, things aren’t going too well for men in Western civilizations. But why is that? Listing a few examples of how men live their day-to-day lives might help get to the root of the issue.
Tom is 7 years old. He’s been raised by his mother and his older sister. His father works in the navy, so he’s rarely around. Tom is being taught to respect women and their opinions from a very young age. His own thoughts and opinions are usually brushed aside or taken lightly because he’s the young one in the family.
Bill is 12 years old. He’s at the age where he’s beginning to notice women. There’s one girl in his class that he particularly likes. But he doesn’t tell her that he likes her. He fawns over her. Tries to get her attention. Tells his friends about her. They make fun of him. When he eventually makes up the nerve to ask her out, she turns him down. He becomes the laughing stock of his entire class. He tries to laugh it off, but the issue leaves him mentally scarred.
Tony is 17 years old. He’s in the final stages of high school. Everything he knows about women, he’s learned from watching porn. He tries to act up in front of his mates, saying he’s been mixed up with multiple girls from both his school and elsewhere. The reality is, he hasn’t had any success in the dating department. But admitting that would leave him humiliated and open to ridicule from his friends. So he goes on with the facade. He also talks down to the girls in his class, like the rest of his friends, even though he secretly wants to be friends with them.
Liam is 25 years old. He works at a department store in his neighbourhood. He’s attracted to one of the girls there, but she doesn’t pay much attention to him. She prefers to talk to the other guys at the store. Liam tries to get her attention by dressing up or speaking to her on break time, but she ignores him. Unable to understand why he’s being ignored in favor of other men, he begins to think there’s something wrong with him. When the girl inevitably reaches out to Liam for a work-related issue, he responds angrily, even though she has never even spoken to him in the few months they’ve both worked there.
Frank is 32 years old. He’s been working at the same job for most of his adult life. He’s only had one long-term relationship that lasted a little over two years. Beyond that, he’s only been with two other girls, but he wasn’t with them long enough for those to be considered relationships. He decides that he’s tired of being alone and goes to a live dating event. None of the girls he’s matched with shows any interest in going out with him. After four or five failed attempts, he inevitably gives up and focuses his energy on other things.
Jason is 38 years old. He works in a highly professional environment. His job demands that he give 100% every day. He knows not to mix business with his personal feelings. But he’s recently begun to form a bond with one of his female co-workers. They work late hours together, open up to one another about their daily lives, and have gotten used to each other’s presence. One night, after finishing work, he offers to take her home. He does this because he’s worried about her, but also because he’s hoping to spend some more time with her. A few days later, he’s invited into HR and is forced to take a workplace seminar after being accused of making an inappropriate and unwanted advance towards a colleague. Everyone at the office begins to treat Jason differently, and people keep their distance from him. He never speaks to his female colleague again, and eventually Jason is forced to resign.
Nico is 35 years old. He hasn’t been fortunate with work. Can’t find a workplace environment that feels right for him. After about a year or so, he begins to feel unmotivated or bored with the daily routine. Still, he does everything that’s asked of him and is always there when needed. However, the company he works for has recently gone through a new hiring cycle. Among them are mostly young, energetic college graduates or migrants. These people get half as much pay as Nico. Yet he sees them putting in twice as much effort, even staying behind after work, putting in labor for no compensation. Nico cannot compete. He doesn’t have the energy. He’s been doing this for years. Inevitably, a few weeks later, his employer informs him that he’s being let go.
George is 18 years old. He has great dreams for the future. He works hard and is an aspiring writer. As a member of his “constantly online” age group, George has a strong social conscience, and he’s an activist for multiple causes. He supports the switch to more eco-friendly forms of energy, the right of migrants to seek asylum in wealthier Western nations, and all women’s and LGBTQIA+ rights and causes. He calls out any wrong behaviour against marginalized social groups. George adds all of this to his Tinder dating profile. He gets zero matches. Months go by, and nothing changes. Even when he’s finally able to find a woman to go out with, she refuses to get into a relationship with him because “he’s not manly enough!” George begins to reevaluate his ideals.
Alex is 24 years old. After years of being unable to find a girlfriend, one of his former classmates decides to message him on Facebook. They meet up and, with her initiative, they decide to start going out. They spend their first night together. Again, Alex has been unable to find a girlfriend until now. He loses this girl as well, because she accuses him of “not knowing what he’s doing in bed.” It’ll be years before Alex finds another girl.
John is 39 years old. He’s always kept to himself. Always minded his own business. He’s never gotten a match on Tinder, despite being on the platform for years. He’s never been told any kind words by a woman. He’s never felt any type of affection from any woman. He hasn’t had any significant achievements in his professional career. But he goes on. He sees women at his workplace praising one another every day, while no one even notices he’s there. As he commutes to and from work, he tries to find reasons to keep doing this. Maybe a video game he’s excited about… Maybe a new show he’d like to see… But recently, the only thought that comes to his mind is that if he jumps off the nearest bridge, it might make his mother sad. And he doesn’t want to make her sad. What most people don’t know is that John is an extremely kind person.
Bruce is 35 years old. He doesn’t have a job. He hasn’t been able to hold on to one for a while, so he’s been forced to move back in with his parents. He spends most of his time either playing video games or on social media. Tries to numb reality. Although he doesn’t do much, Bruce is bombarded every day with messages and posts that accuse him and all people like him of being privileged. Of living life on “easy mode”. Of having life paved out for them. Of taking advantage of other people’s misery. Of being sexist, racist, ableist, intolerant, or agist. Of not considering other people’s struggles. That just by existing, they’re causing harm, and that the world would be better off without them. Bruce is hit by these types of messages day after day. After being unable to find a job, Bruce begins to take the content of those posts more seriously. He begins to question if he has a place in the world. And, after several months, Bruce decides to take his own life.
The boy next door (to you!)
Although some names have been altered, these are all REAL stories from REAL men. Some might say it’s deserved, others might argue that they’re still better off than, say, the starving children of Gaza or the sick children of Africa. And others might say that men are just feeling sorry for themselves, and they need to “pick themselves up by their bootstraps.”
Those are all fair arguments. Well, they’re arguments. However, the undeniable truth is that wherever you look, you will find a man suffering in silence. Because it’s “uncool” for them to admit they’re in emotional pain. And when so many men are made to feel that they’re useless or, even worse, responsible for all the evils of the world, eventually they’ll get fed up with it. At some point, they may stop taking it out on themselves and lash out at the community that’s making them feel like that instead.
It’s a dangerous game being played here by women (who will cry “rape” and take advantage of the laws that men -or simps- created for them if someone under six feet attempts to talk to them, but who openly prostitute themselves on websites like OnlyFans for that same guy and everyone else like him if it means financial profit) and unskilled migrants (who flock to nations and societies established by the hard work of white men, crying “racist” whenever things don’t go their way but continuing to disrespect, murder and steal from everyone around them as they did back home).
From the day they’re born, men in Western societies are being fed the narrative that they’re “wrong”, that they “need to listen”, that they “harass”, that they “take from others”, that they “need to be better”… Even if they themselves haven’t done anything! They live in a society that’s constantly watching them and that’s ready to judge them if they step out of bounds. At the same time, men continue to see members of other groups being praised for simply existing (a random girl can post an image on Instagram, and it gets 1K likes and 700 comments of “slay queen”).
They feel worthless, with nothing to strive for and no reason to get out of bed. There’s something important that most men of this generation are lacking. Motivation. The life has been entirely sucked out of them, and they’ve been hung out to dry. And because men are, by nature, competitive beings, they would never turn to one another for support in the same way that women do (even a comment like “yas king” by another man seems cringeworthy).
This could only go one of two ways. Either all men will become submissive, tame beasts, living only to be told what to do and to be used in sperm banks by women, or (and this would be the unfortunate outcome), they begin to rise, attempting to return society to its previous status. Which could only mean one thing. The rights that women and migrants fought so hard to gain for themselves could be put at risk. More lines could be drawn. More boundaries would be made. More walls would be raised. Can you imagine men, women, and people of colour segregated by nations?
It’s not a nice mental image to paint, but with all other social groups refusing to acknowledge the issues that men of all ages are currently facing and casting them aside, it seems as though we’re only drawing closer to it. Fingers crossed it doesn’t come to pass. But really, if you have a man in your life, or if you know a guy at work that nobody talks to, it might be worth checking in on them. It could be the line between life and death (or even worse!) for them, who knows?
(*This article was initially published on Medium.)
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